Team Awesome (Trainers)
Learn of our collection of super-human trainers
Zach coined the phrase “cotton impingement” after years of researching how much he hates shirts. He now uses this “scientific breakthrough” as justification to never wear a shirt. Zach also eats more than a pregnant rhinoceros. He’s the one that will usually be programming your workouts. He’s an excercise nerd. And a comic book nerd. What I’m trying to say is: Zach’s a nerd.
Matt was formerly in the Marine unit here in town (Delta Company), went to a couple of semesters of school, and worked as a military contractor for a bit. He’s a redhead and likes to think “he’s bringing it back.” He’s not. Matt also usually updates the website and will probably be the one to respond to your e-mails. Matt is also afraid of the color puce.
Behold Ayla “el gaucho verde” Steadman. Ayla spends much of her time loitering around picture framing stores and trying free food samples at CostCo. Although much of her time is consumed in those hobbies, Ayla’s true passion lies in competitive drinking tournaments. Despite Ayla officially weighing-in to featherweight divisions, she regularly competes in illegal, “no-drinks-barred” heavyweight grudge matches. As of this writing she has never lost.
Stacy is a full-fledged physical therapist and we’re lucky enough to have her teach our mobility classes. While not working on people and gettin’ them to move right, Stacy spends much of her time in hibernation. She has been known to sleep for up to 15 hours a day in celebration of what she likes to call “Wednesday.” Do not ever wake Stacy.
Sibo (or “Seebs”) is a soccer player, avid CrossFitter, and recovering koala bear mimic. Recently, she ran into trouble when she climbed a Eucalyptus tree, began eating the leaves, and ended up unconscious outside of a Wendy’s. Since this, she has entered koala rehab and is doing much better. She loves kids and hopes to get a CrossFit Kids program up and running at Sandia. She’s very nice – unless she’s tore up on Eucalyptus.
Lauren is super into CrossFit, Olympic Weightlifting, and personal training. However, every day Lauren wakes up and is faced with a great personal challenge. Lauren has a rare disease which does not let her distinguish people from inanimate objects. Despite learning to cope with this disease, occasionally Lauren will try to put a coffee cup on top of a person thinking they are a table or adjust a person’s antennas because she confused them for an old TV. Do your best to support her. Such a brave girl.
Mike used to be a secret agent before joining SCF. Using a mix of natural sexiness, charm, liters of hair gel, and a portable kiddie pool, Mike would cavort the globe saving the world from mankind’s most nefarious criminal masterminds. However, in a highly publicized and career-ending incident involving a flock of seagulls and the original, reunited cast of the Teletubbies, he retired to Albuquerque. He now spends a majority of his week teaching at-risk youth how to properly quaff their hair.
Courtney is a former cheerleader and is no longer capable of not smiling. She teaches a majority of our morning classes because her blood is now 40 percent coffee and she only sleeps 3 hours a week. One of her favorite things to tell athletes is “eat well and hydrate!” What she fails to mention is that in her mind “hydrate” means “throw rocks at strangers” and “well” means “live bunny rabbits.”
Dana is only recently returned to the United States after spending 6 years in Nepal working as a Sherpa-Sherpa (which is, of course, a person who carries a Sherpa’s bag up Everest while the Sherpa carries a rich person’s bag). Her career ended when she got caught in a snowstorm and got lost. Had it not been for the dedication and courageousness of her Sherpa-Sherpa-Sherpa, Dana might never have made it. These days she spends her time lifting and working with kids.
B is one of our substitute trainers and she’ll pop in and coach you when you least expect it. The following things have been said about Bianca:
She is both shy and horrifically inappropriate at the same time.
She can squat like it’s going out of style.
She is possibly some form of lemur wearing a human suit trying to infiltrate our species in an attempt to violently overthrow the world.
She’s about 3 feet tall.
Kim fills out the gym’s diversity quota: she’s a redhead. Personality-wise, Kim is perkier than a mountain goat on cocaine, often springing from athlete to athlete, dishing out coaching cues. She also sometimes engages in marriage with a guy named Jeff. Her life goal is to “Jane Goodall someone in the face.” No one is sure what that means.